Red Velvet Cake

Red Velvet Cake In a microwave, using a mug and some simple ingredients at home ♡

Self-harm

" My boyfriend is cutting.

My girlfriend is addicted to cutting.

My sister can't stop cutting. "

I hear that alot. I mumbled to my cousin that's so concerned of the people in Diary of An Rp Group. He kept reading the emotional posts loudly to make me hear each and one of them. Each. And. One. Of.  Them. Fuck.

While that I was actually having a hot make out with my boyfriend in rpw. He continues, "How do we find justice now?" Oh, it doesn't even exist. "Where is peace in this world", that doesn't exist either.

"Why are people so stupid to make this as their hobby."

My hands stopped typing. What?

I slowly replied Monster before glancing at my cousin (more like glaring ).

"Hobby? What if they were suffering all this time?"

"Then do something else than cutting"

Nice answer smartass.

"You won't understand." I defend, Why am I defending self-harming people?

It's not because I cut too. It's not because I understand them either.

It's because monster is part of it. And I understand him.

Every people that cuts, is suffering. Alot.

Makes me remember a very memorable thing I said to him this past weeks or months.

"Stop cutting!" I can feel my body boils in anger, a tear slowly flows out my brown glassy orbs. Wiping them away as I stare at the latter.

Monster. You're a monster.

"I can't. "

Then I went away from him. I ignored every messages.

Then I ask my daddy about it.

"You know, Baek. These type of people needs advices "

"So. Let's give them."

I look at the older yet handsome father in rpw of mine. He ruffled my hair, liking the messy look I'm having. (He likes sex, so yeah.)

"If you want to cut then.. Remember this. Ask your lover to draw a butterfly at their wrist. Each and every one of the butterfly is the person they care about. The person they love. When they wanted to cut or they still cut? It means they just killed the butterfly."

"Think about it, would you kill your loved ones?"

"Would you, Baekhyunnie?"

"N-no.."

And I told Monster, the exact same thing.

I don't know if he still remembers though.

But I'll make him stop cutting. I'll make him stop every bad thing he's doing.

You don't need to be a bad influence,  Monster.

Check out my new page  ! For people that's self harming .. The Butterfly Project

Darkness Lurking Out

It was night.

I was talking to monster. When suddenly a line notification came. I felt something bad. It feels.. as if It's a bad idea to read it.

I was hesitant. Still tapping the notification though, a message. From an unknown person.

"Hey devilbaek,

I'm one of your haters.  Kris's girlfriend. 
I hate you. Kris was hurt because of you. 
Now I'm here to tell you everything.  Kris loves you. He loves you alot. Remember the time he got disabled?  
You were 11 that time. Of course you didn't know he was disabled. You thought he left you.
Stupid, you're a stupid asshole.  
He searched for you. Your name was Bacon Byun right? He searched and asked every Bacon Byun he found. But none of them was you. Then months, and months. I was friends with him by March 2014(?) I guess. But then he told me everything and cried so hard. 
He missed you so fucking much!! Months passed again and he said he found someone named Bhyunn Da'Fluffy Pup.
Which is you. 
And he knows it's you. Since your actions. But..  you were in a relationship. 
With A fucking Luhan.
Cheater I say."

I held a deep. Deep. Deep. Breath.
Don't cry. I whispered to myself.

Ignoring Monster's message. I typed a reply. Defending myself. Of course.

But she replied back.

"Kris cutted because of you."

That's when I regretted everything. I knew it. I knew why he was disturbing my life all this time. It was my fault.

It's my fault. It's my fault. 

That night I didn't talk to anyone.  And pushed everyone away.

Even my best friend. Haikal was his name. We were friends for 7 years.

And I broked it.

He then started to hate me and he kept bringing my past.

About me killing my cousin, me accidentally hurting his sister, me being the worst child in the universe, me being a heartless.

He mentioned every of my exes. Especially Jongim.

Jongim.

How much missed him..

And then I changed, I have one thing in my mind.

I don't need any friends , I just need Monster.
Don't trust anyone.

I hate happiness.

It makes me regret.

F l o w e r

Forget-me-nots

I met this flower from my cousin. She said this flowers is unique. 

"It has a meaning. Try searching for it, Diy."

That night, I shifted and groaned. Just because curiosity can kills the cat, doesn't mean it can ruin my sleep.

But it did, didn't it. 

And so, being the good person I am. I took my phone, tapping the google button as google pops up in the screen. I typed 'forget-me-nots'. And scrolled through the search.

True love and memories.

If your lover gave you this flower. He/she means that he/she wans to be your memory. Your forever.

Your one and only.

He/she doesn't wants to be forgotten. 

And then it hits me. I am.. really. Really.

In love with this flower. 

Hello

      

Well, Hi.

Let me introduce myself.
I'm a student,  not old and not young either. I'm in high school this year. 13 years old, that is. I love oreos and marshmallows, or to be exact. I love sweet things. I'm a roleplayer, I joined roleplaying when I was.. 11 (?)
Yes, I was young.
But the student that won 'Best Student In English Subject ' Isn't that impossible to be in a place full of english and other languages he doesn't knows.
He has google translator anyway.

I'm from Malaysia.. It's not like I don't understand english. I was the best student in English subject.

I repeat  that like the second time already.
So? Don't judge a 11 years old in RPW.

My life was baaaad. Both of my life that is. RPW nor Real Life. Both sucks.

Ah, I'm saving this for my next post. So, not now.

I'm 13 this year, I'm not that stupid in love.

I have a friend named Fiq. He was asking a survey to me. As I was eating a doughnut with strawberry cream smeared on it. With a cup of coffee and a pen in my left hand. Scribbling some doodles on a paper.

He was hesitant to ask. His lips opened and closed for several times but he asked me anyway.  When he finally have the guts to bother the said  'devil' eating and doodling.

"I-I'm making a survey.." Fiq starts slowly and glanced at me that is unresponsive. 

The reason why I'm cold and so ignorant is because I didn't get to have my favorite drink at the fucking cafe.

Not that I would care. 

But going outside just for your favorite drink is kinda upsetting when they said It's out of order. So, let's go back to my story with Fiq. 

Yes, I felt bad for him. So I responded with a soft hum, indicating that I was listening. 

"Do you believe in true love?"

"... I'm 13"

"Doesn't matter"

" Yes." He keeps asking me questions about love until then it comes a point where he asked about cheating.

"Do you think.. that it's okay to cheat?"

I stopped scribbling.  Staring at the paper when suddenly my grip tightens.

"No, even if you just had a relationship with a person. You fucking should not fucking cheat with another person even if that person gives no damn about you with another person. You can't fucking cheat."

Fiq stared at me. "You sound like the sassy Baekhyun in The Faults Of Byun Baekhyun, just saying. Andddd- I actually took the questions from that fanfic too. I lied about the survey" 

Okay. What the hell. 

"I wanted to see what's your answer "

"You mean hear, dumbfuck."